school is starting
mann
that means O LEVELS
i cant believe im sooo old already
and i dont even act like im gonna be 16 next year
goshh
im not ready!

HELP HELP HELP!

thats christmas with my dad's side of the family
haha
and my bro is the uber gross one
even though the family is weird
i still love my cousins!

my blog was dead
so now im reviving it
been darn tired these few days
lack of sleep
and too much "partying"
and i cant believe school is starting soon
i still got lots and lots of work to do

hmmm
im feeling like shit
some things are getting really stupid
and i dont know why
like my mp3 earpiece is screwed
like my mum is a little nutsy sometimes
and i cant feel the christmas spirit

i cant find the christmas spirit
maybe its because im not looking forward to next year
sheesher

going for camp tmrw
not very enthu as i want to be
just cant get the mood
mannn
and im dreading packing
RAWR

going to be in camp
till saturday
then busy busy busy
mann
where did the hols go?
shit o levels next year
B-SHIT

im soo confused

~ im on facebook!

cant take it anymore
sometimes i really dont want to go for basic camp
cause i dont want to see someone
its soo stupid
RAWR

have been sick for very long already
almost a week
keep having running nose
and fever keeps coming and going
sighh
i hate the cold weather
im always sick
soo unlucky

today went sentosa
even though im sick
sighh
was bored to the max
the only thing i enjoyed was the LUGE
but in the end
it was spoilt by some
STUPID AH BENGS
who tried to irritate me
my driving so close to me
and suddenly braking infront of me
so tempted
to get out of the cart
and kick their peanuts
sheesh
no balls people

RAWR
why do most people have NO balls??!!
maybe ASEAN games now
then they need balls
for bowling, table tennis and many more events
thats why some people have no balls
all taken away

went swimming
with pearl, her sister, sister's friend and 2 cousins
mann its sooo tiring
cause have to carry their floats for them and everything
cause the cousins are so young
dead tired
pearl so owes me a mos meal
then went to pearls house
watched 200 pounds beauty
and...
i cried
yeah mann
its soo touching
sighh
haha
im an emotional person!

AWW MANN
im like super duper tired
from carrying kids all day
and running to catch them
mann
sounds like i went to help out in a child-care centre
haha
but i went to help my mum
with her creative writing stuff
super stress mann
since my mum is sometimes a little unreasonable
sighh
she doesnt realise that sometimes the little things
she says
can make someone feel really really bad

ouch
whole body aching
shall go to sleep noww

// i think i need a HUG!

aww mann
i screwed up music today
was leading
and then before today
desmond had to tell me he was not coming
so i panicked
then today
TRIED
to practice
but didnt get to it
and then i was sooo mervous
that i thought i needed an asthma puff
mannn
it was so embarassing
and when i prayed in the end
i got stuck for words
and then had to end abruptly
with a big big
AMEN!!
mann my face was sooo red
hahaha

but i will do better for camp music
hahaha
i can do it
wheeeee

~ me and my big AMEN

So Close - Jon Mclaughlin

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

~ still lots of grey areas eh?

finally!
im back from the chalet!
HAHA IT WAS LIKE UBER FUN
got to know the girls
and many many of their secrets!
thanks to the trusty game
truth or dare!
aww mann
it was sooo fun
anyway we had jewellery!
haha
i have a nice anklet made by jezreel
had BBQ 2 times!
first time with some basic people
and then the second time
with eve and ah long DG people

everyday had heart-to-heart talks
with the girls
about almost everything
and then i realised something
and i got to know something else
hmmmm
i personally think its really weird
and now regret ever knowing it
yeah i feel bad
but yeah
sighh

the worst thing was that
my skin is in a very bad condition now
cause the pillow was dirty
like got lots of dust mites
so now my face is like red with allergy
awww mann
and it hurts
sighh

~ why cant we ever seperate white from black?

sighh
im going to be at the basic girls chalet
from today to thursday
hmmmm
should be exciting
but i just have this weird feeling
and also
marionlee is not coming
cause she has band camp
thats so sad

im soo in love with x-men!

haha

ROGUE AND GAMBIT! <3

im so worried for you

pull yourself together kay?

im physically and emotionally drained

been experiencing so many kinds
of different emotions these days

to tell the truth it sucks

sigh

SHOOTING STAR

No one seems to think too much of me here
And their glad to tell it to my face
And they know i'm not supposed to be here
I'm completely out of place

Some how there has got to be a reason
Even as I try and think it through
There's a bolt, from the blue

And i see a shooting star
Set apart from all the rest
While the other stars are standing still
He's on a quest
Every night this shooting star
Dance across the twilight sky
Cos he knows he doesn't quite fit in
And he's longing to know why

I feel so much better when it's night time
That's when i can sorta disappear
When the sun is set is the right time
For pretending i'm not here

Sometimes i just stare into the heavens
Wondering if the answer is in sight
That's when i see the light of my shooting star
On his way to who knows where

He's the one like all the star
She outshines up there
And the solitary star
Is an awful lot like me
On an endless search through time and space
For a place that won't seem wrong

If we both hang on for long enough
We both somehow are strong enough
We'll fing our real, real love

Every night this shooting star
Dance across the twilight sky
Cos he knows he doesn't quite fit in
And he's longing to know why

sigh
im soo tired
today had drills
tmrw got drills
then saturday is the test
sigh

watched stardust
with some basic members today
its really really nice
please go and watch
haha
i can watch it many many more times
maybe i will get the disk after it comes out
haha

am i that hateful that people have to ridicule me?
sigh
i guess im used to it
but i keep wondering
is it because of my character
sigh
im sorry
but thats the way it is
nothing i can do about it
maybe thats why i dont have many friends

was looking through my things today
and found the mulan doll
zanny gave me
just realised its been so long
since she passed away
wonder if she is enjoying life now
i suddenly miss her so much
truthfully i have not been thinking about her
but when i found the doll today
i thought of her
and missed her alot

i can still remember she promised
to bring me to hawaii
i think her parents are still there
not sure if they have returned
sigh
miss her lots!

sigh
i gotta get my life straightened out soon
my results suck
and i got so many things in my mind
that i dont know what to do with
its so depressing
sigh

there is someone i want to talk to
but even though the person
is either an sms or msn or call away
that person seems so far away
sigh

LOVE...
is someone who could hurt you
for everything you do...
but chooses not to

Putting on a brave front
Showing everyone what they want
Being as stong as I can be
Hiding the hurt that's inside of me
Laughing when I want to cry
Living when I want to die
Trying when I want to quit
Standing strong when I want to sit
Wanting to be remembered
As happy and tough
So I make myself go on longer
When I've really had enough
Acting like nothing in my life is wrong
Know what?
I think I've had it
I'm sick of being strong

I want to break down, fall apart
Release my frown, let go of my heart
Free the tears, let them fall like rain
Face my fears, and confront the pain
Feel it completely in my heart and soul
Let go for awhile and completely lose control
Let someone else worry
Set my weakness free
And if I can't come back
Let someone else be strong for me

I do what is expected
Everyone thinks that I always bounce back
But they'll all stand corrected
When I fall completely off the track
When I begin to stumble
And my strength is gone
When my world begins to crumble
And I can't go on
When the hurt comes out and shows its face
And all the strength I used
Seems like nothing but a waste
Because in the end
My weakness won
I'm sick of being strong
So screw it... I'm done

I've held on so long
Always been so strong
Broken inside
Barely kept alive
The lie living for me
The voice in my head
But here is the story...
Hercules is dead

I want to break down, fall apart
Release my frown, let go of my heart
Free the tears, let them fall like rain
Face my fears, and confront the pain
Feel it completely in my heart and soul
Let go for awhile and completely lose control
Let someone else worry
Set my weakness free
And if I can't come back
Let someone else be strong for me
Let someone else worry
Set my weakness free
I'm not coming back
So be strong for me

done by EverBroken (deviantart)

this is stupid
that is stupid
everything is stupid

get a f*cking grip of yourself

sigh
i dunno what to blog about
my health sucks
maybe im gonna be taking medicine my whole life
thats shit

gosh
this is stupid

sometimes i wonder why are you so unreasonable
i mean like
just because your friend made you angry
no need take it out on your family
i mean like why cant you be a little more reasonable?
sometimes your a really great mum
but sometimes you are just so
UNREASONABLE!
you say that you would listen
but sometimes that isnt the case
i try to reason with you
but nothing goes into your head
i mean like if your friends anger you
no need to vent your anger on us
you always say
no harm asking
but why dont you understand what you preach?
its ridiculous
i was JUST asking
and you just had to piss me off
it just spoils everyone's mood
sigh
i just wish you can control your temper
and be more patient with all of us

relax~
i just needed to rant

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!

but collecting results tmrw
ohh KILL-JOY

some people in my school
should
JUST DIE!

LET THEM BE CONDEMNED IN HELL
let them burn in hell
die you idiots
brainless faggots
go and eat some maggots

F*CK YOU

just watched my sec 2 class
recent BBQ video
i just realised how much i miss them
haha
even though we werent very close
we were still a class
sigh
sec 2 was just so relaxing
everytime after school
go west mall
now
everytime after school come home
cause there is no on to go out with me
sigh

11 MORE DAYS OF EXAMS!

i will cast all of my cares upon You
and lay all of my burden
down at Your feet
and anytime
i dont know
what to do
i will cast all of my cares upon You

and the picture doesnt mean anything
i just like the picture
and im as sane as clare can be
(which is saner than most people)

today had a good time shooting paper bullets at people
haha
its just so fun to relieve childhood memories
when i used to hit people with the bullets
MUAHAHAHA

ive been thinking about stuff
on the way home from church on the bus
i realised its like
im living a double life
like i can be sad at one moment
and then happy at the next
it makes me so so UNPREDICTABLE
i dont know when i will just blow with anger
nor do i know when i will go high
and piss everyone off
i doubt its mood swing
cause when i have mood swings its really bad

so welcome to my double life
i can be clare the happy one time
and clare the grumpy another time
at this point of time
if you wanna sever ties with me
i dont mind
cause its not easy befriending
a person who has a double life
i dont blame you
i actually blame myself
SIGH

hey
do you know when you hurt
i hurt too?

everything will turn out well in the end
you gotta believe in that
cause i believe in that too
trust that god will bring you through this difficult time
trust him
everything wil turn out well

oh yes!
finally my chinese paper is over!!
haha
and i maybe able to pass
if ... pigs do actually fly
HAHA
im a PROFESSIONAL in chinese okay

gotta really study these days
so last minute okay
hahahaha
but better late than never!

im feeling much much better
it like i have talked all my hatred out
thanks luke for talking to me ytd
sorry if i was grumpy and irritating
and its like
i feel that i had a little talk with god
and he has taken all my hurt away
maybe thats why im feeling happier
now i know why
people say trust in the lord
and you will find peace

Ephesians 4:2-3
2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

why do i care so much when it doesnt even concern me?
even if i cared it wouldnt do much
haii i have decided to stop caring
cause it doesnt concern me at all
and whatever happens it wouldnt affect my life
so i dont care anymore
i mean its like you may get mad that im so busybody
and i wouldnt wanna get angry
because i cared and you misunderstood me
i can already picture it in mind
you shouting at me
and i defending myself
and in the end,
both walk aweay feeling hurt
its just not worth it
so i cant be bothered anymore
but if you wanna talk
im here

- i hurt myself, so you cant

todat woke up at the most amazing time
which was ... 7.15am
and yes that means late for school
but luckily it was my second time this semester
so i just had to run around the carpark
2 times
haha so malu
and i was like breathless for a long time
im soo unfit
sheesh

anyway i just cant stand SOME people
im just not saying that person's name
as i cant stand even typing it out
the person so BHB lo
go and see other people's report books
even if she didnt see mine
at least respect others privacy
bitch
if she had seen mine
im gonna slap her face
till it turns blood red
mei you jia jiao de bitch

im soo tired
last night i was at my cousin's grandma funeral
helping to fold the offering paper
then i only went home at like 4.30am
and had to wake up at 7.30am
cause my other cousin's wedding
the tea ceremony
wa lao
darn tired
and tonight got the wedding dinner
waaa sleepy man!
RAWR

Sometime in everyone's life,
they feel betrayed and all alone,
like everything is a lie.
You are trapped in a world of anger
and rage and you can only see red through your eyes.
No one seem to see when you are going through this time,
or understand why.
But it is times like these that God takes you in His arms
and tames your wild mind and assures you,
you are never alone.

* im never alone *

i just had a haircut
cause i looked shaggy
and now
i look like a freaking
BUTCH
sheesh
okay now i look weird
wa lao
cannot take it
RAWR

im so tired of everything
i feel so...stupid
like i have nothing
all i do everyday is just
school, tuition and home
the only sane thing is church
haii

today walked into the classroom
and my table had a layer of dust on it
bloody hell
had to clean it all off
sheesh
how FILTHY can the school get
with the conctruction and stupid people
polluting the whole enviroment

i swear
some people just need a slap on their faces
they just have no face
so thick-skinned
you know i cant stand you
still put your face right infront of me
wait till i puke on you
then there are some people
who just dunno when to stop
i mean like
if you see my mood is bad
stop irritating me
otherwise i would turn bad
im sorry people
i have been real moody these times

self-confidence
whats that?
i dont think i ever had that before
and some people just put you dwon
real bad
like your this piece of crap infront of them
hey
spare a thought for people
i mean everyone has feeling ya know
maybe i lost mine a few years ago
but im still human
sheesh
stop putting people down
and get a grip of your stuck-up self

SHEESH!

i hate some people
they think everyone owes them a freaking living
they thinks the freaking world revolves around them
they dont care about others feelings
why dont they care!
arent they freaking bloody humans too!!
where the hell are their feelings!!

go and die stupid world

many people say that
there is a god shaped hole in our hearts
and only god can fill it
is it true?

~ love will find a way, i know it will ~

UPENDI
is the kiswahili word for love

i have been addicted to
the show
the lion king
the lion king 2 is super nice can!
haha
soo touching
and i lovee the song
Love Will Find A Way!
haha

Love Will Find a Way
- Heather Headley & Kenny Lattimore
In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need
To face the world alone
They can have their world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart

I know love will find a way
Anywhere I go, I'm home
If you are there beside me
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes

And if only they could feel it, too
The happiness I feel with you
They'd know love will find a way
Anywhere we go, we're home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I know love will find a way
Anywhere I go, I'm home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I know love will find a way
I know love will find a way

here are some reasons why i LOVE my brother :
1. he cant sing for nuts (haha makes me sound better)
2. he dares to ask for nuggets with no skin (the brown part)
3. he stands up for me
4. he is taller and bigger (so he does all the work)
5. he cant spell (haha and when he does its darn funny)
6. he is DARN funny in some ways
7. he lets me hit him (as hard as i like)
8. he lets me use the comp when i want
9. he is the sexiest person alive
10. he will always be MY brother (forever mine!)

hahaha
even though im sometimes not nice to my bro
i actually lovee him alot!
hahaha
just that he gets on my nerves sometimes
and my family is bias about him

i thank god for him
hahaha
he promised me today
that he would take care of me forever
and wont let anyone bully me
cause im smaller than him
aww so sweet right!
hahahaha

waa lao
today my class got ransacked
when we were haing PE
a few things were stolen
sheesh
my bag got ransacked
but nothing was taken
cause im as poor as a church mouse
anyway
curse that person
who took the things
blehh
how freaking unsafe can my school get

tmrw is teacher's day!
that means
old friends
and even older teachers!
haha
the long awaited day!
hahahaha

anyway
cheers
to the week called hols
but isnt hols!
hahaha
more sleeping time!
HURRAY!

im soo down
firstly sapphire jie is leaving tmrw
haii when she hugged me yesterday
and told me that she wont be seeing me
till she comes back to singapore
i almost cried
i guess i will miss her
cause these months she was around
its like i know she is there
haii
but now she has to go back to study
wells hope she does well in school
cant wait for her to come back for her hols

secondly
today i had an asthma attack
in church
gosh i feel so paiseh
thanks for asking how i was people
im fine now
it was just suddenly attack
its normal
haha

oh joy oh joy
both my cousins sapphire and krystl
are here to sleepover at my house!
haha
sheesh they are gonna disturb me all night
haha
and guess what
i sms-ed luke
asking him to come online
at exactly 23.46
he didnt reply me
im heartbroken
blehh
LUKE = BUBBY BOY!
hahahaha
i just had to do this
i dont care

had fun at the pasar malam at my house
haha
played dart and the fishing game
won some toys
and exchanged them for a bow and arrow toy
to give to my friend's sister
hahaha
im such a nice person
iif onee daee ii typee liike thish,
ii wuchh takee sooo looong
to typiish thiish thiing outt
ii evenn has too ediit worrxx
hahahahaha
stupid-ah-lian-of-a-typing
hahahaha
im real bored
since luke does not want to talk to me
blehhh

im so tired
im tired of trying to fit in
trying to be someone
i can never be
why so?
cause im freaking lonely
yup im lonely

i just wish i could curl up in a ball
and sleep for as long as i like
and then wake up to find everything
just alright
but that is never gonna happen
cause we cant turn back time

am i really that hateful?
that people would play with my feelings
and make me hurt in the end?
im not talking about BGR
but in everyday things
dont they know the pain

or maybe i just am hateful
and irritating
but that is the way God made me to be
there is nothing i can do about it
you think i asked to be like this??!!

i dont know
i just wish all these
would just disappear
just go away

By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.- Psalm 42:8

RAWR
i have bruises all over
and im so pissed with my family

now i understand how girls felt in the olden days
when boys were always superior
which is so bullshit
today while having karate training
the kancho only kept looking at this jap guy
wa lao
i can so do the kata better than him
but still he didnt take notice of me
stupid
i feel like an idiot

then at home
when practicing
dwight is always trying to correct me
when he is wrong in the first place
then no one wants to listen to me
so i went to practice on my own
blehh
then i will get it right

oh ya
and my brother can have a girlfriend
as long as he is not gay
and doesnt burst his phone bill
what crap is that man
i cant even keep talking about a guy
without my mum being suspicious
wa lao
i cannot take it
its so unfair

ALL YOU SEXIST IN THIS WORLD
PISS OFF MAN

okay people
IMPORTANT NEWS!
i can confirm that i have shrunk by 2cm
cause its written in my health report
- Clare has shrunk by 2cm. Please ensure that she has proper meals.
HAHAHAHA
what the hell
i shrunk by 2cm
i didnt lose weight
so what has that gotta do with eating proper meals??!!
hahaha
i dont know mann

when people ask me how is school
i always say
how bad can it get?
i hate school
and i can say it straight in anyone's face
know why i hate school
cause the people there dont realise your feelings
they hurt you
and then they say your being sensitive
teachers always say
that they understand you
but they dont
they say they do
but they are asking you
things like why cant you do this
and you reason with them
and they never understand you
soo piss off people

Stress is poison. ~Agavé Powers

today i was on my way home
when i passed this little boy
he kept staring at my ring
then he asked me
"are you married?"
haha
i freaked out
so i said "no"
but i asked him if he wanted the ring
he said
"no need, my mummy also has one"
hahahaha
soooo cute can!!

anyway
i was reading my book
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE CHRISTIAN SOUL
then i soo felt that i could walk through a wall
so i went for it
and WHAM i went into the wall
now i have a bruise
and luke is asking me to rub it
hahaha
NO WAY
i rather let i grow
haha

oh i had a wonderful time at the chalet
i swam
played badminton
and even bowled!
haha
ohh and i even made luke jealous
haha

i had my all-time-high
score for bowling
125!
haha
im soo proud
i even took a photo

gtg now byebye!

recently i keep dreaming about my grandfather
- one of the greatest person in my life
his life story is amazing
he was actually those gangsters
not ordinary gangsters
but one of the chiefs
anyway
he was a staunch buddhist
and hated christians
but then my uncle
wanted to become a pastor
so he begged my grandfather
when my grandfather
finally said yes
my uncle tried to convert him
finally he managed to
so my grandfather became a christian
and died as one
so i should be happy that he is with God

but i really regret not spending enough time with him
i always dreaded going to his house
to eat everyday
and always complaining that he cooked the same food
i really regret
after he has gone
i have come to realise how much i miss him
his aniversary is coming 2 years
and i still cant get over him
i really miss him
cause i never got the chance to tell him
how much i love him
maybe i should have learnt to speak
his dialect
then i could understand him
but its too late

maybe one day soon
im going to see his niche
he shares one with my grandmother
cool right
sooo romantic
haha
really cant wait for the day i see him again
maybe he can cook my favourite
hokkien mee for me again!

i love this song :

His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine,
Softer than a sigh,
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean,
Wider than the sky,
His love is brighter than the brightest star
that shines at night above
And there is nothing in this world that can ever change his love.

im happy!
cause today is sunday!
like finally man
sunday is here
benn waititng sooo long
but now its over
sheesh
another long week
blehh

anyway marion im sorry
i did something i shouldnt
sorry sorry sorry
haha
i owe you kay?

think im sick now
tonsils are inflamed again
wells maybe i get to miss school!
woohoo
but then again
i also need to study
blehh

you know i keep wanting to talk to someone
but i just dont know why i like dont want to
im soo half-hearted
haha
wells
everytime i see that person i feel happy
cause its good to know people care
thanks to that person!

Exodus 15:2
2 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

dont i have any talents?
i cant study
i cant draw
i cant sing
i cant even keep my emotions in check
maybe what HE said was right
i have no freaking talent
im not like him
he is sooo talented
whatever

no talent
so what

i have really considered the idea
of going abroad to study
maybe canada
or australia
it would be hard for me to leave my family
and whatever friends i have
but i really hope that my life would
be for the better

and that i wont hear people
put me down again
i maybe short and
i may have no talent
but i wont stand you saying that things to me
so piss off IDIOT

11 hours in school
i guess thats what my life is all about
im soo tired
even though its the 2nd day of school
and im sick of it.

im sick of everything

why cant the clock go faster
and then sundays come faster
why why why

i did very bad for my a maths test
i put lots of hardwork into it
and i got like 4/40
thats pathetic
thats what i get if i actually study
thats it
im not cut out to study
maybe just drop school
and go work
oh working world here i come

F*UCK
i hate school
i hate GB
i hate being lonely
i hate her
I HATE EVERYTHING

oh please send someone to assinate me
then burn me
and thros my ashes into the sea
then i would be able to sail the seas
please grant me my wish
and kill me
thanks

im sorry for those who thought
that i have become normal again
i really have disappointed you
im sorry
but i just cant help
but feeling like that

everything is not working out
my life
my school life
my friends
everything
i rather just give up everything

okay
how was school?
crap
im dead beat
feels like ive just been shot
thats what luke feels
and thats what i feel too
maybe we got telepathy!
thats coool
luke can you get what im saying now?
give you a clue
this is what im saying to you
( relax! stressing up makes you lose hair! hahahaha )
get it?
see!
we got telepathy!
this is like uber coool mann!
anyway cheer up kay?

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
-- Walter Winchell

thanks to some people

today had some stupid workshop
on money matters
its like freaking boring la
the trainer is one fat and short dude
then i was talking
he came up to me and asked me to stand
then infront of my class he asked me
if i had an attitude problem
soo irritating
felt like telling him
yeah i do. so what? shoot me la
stupid short person
only know how to say people got attitude problem
you also got lo
never see meh?

im never going back to school
i hate it
shoot me if you want

hey people
im in a good mood cause i just came back form church!
haha
and this is random
today luke showed me
something about adopting a child!
haha
LUKE i know you want one!
gosh that would be funny
i really pity your child!
hahahahahaha
at least he/she wont be bald like you!

RAWR
i have just eaten so much
im gonna be sooooo fat!
hahahaha


gotta go now people
my bro is going swimming and im just tagging along!
byebye

crap
i screwed up my debate
argh
im sorry team members
i really suck at debating
if your lose its all my fault
haii

anyway
life has been very crap
as it always has been
wells i cant avoid this crap
so maybe join it!

i heard "flying" is very common among teens nowadays
maybe its really fun!
who knows?
the feeling must be uber cool
i bet

gotta go now
tmrw wearing baju kurung
for racial harmony day
its compulsary in my class
and think that its crap
RAWR

why is life so screwed up?
why do people only look at outer beauty and not inner beauty?
why do people like to trick me?
am i so gulliable?
are they really my friends?
then why are they treating me like that?
dont they know im human too?
and that i will feel hurt when they trick me?
why do people keep looking down on me?
why why why?

ARGH!

and why do i have this feeling for you?
its like impossible between us
and im feeling like that
gosh i must be going mad
shoot me people

WHO AM I KIDDING?

im such a fake
shoot me people

okay
let me tell you about my dumb friend
JEREMY!
hahahahahaha
he is hilarious
and he is very very very dark
anyway he is soooooo erm blur
haha
shant elaborate further
cause he may not talk to me again
hahaha

anyway
school sucks
WELCOME TO THE MUNDANE WORLD
i seriously dont want to go to school anymore
haii
its not worth it
real not worth it

cant wait for sunday!
BASIC!
ROMONOPOLY!
LUKEY!
MARION!
and more disturbing luke and marion
ahhhhhh
sheer bliss!

Psalm 119:105
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

i really need the lord
to give me strength
to help me pass through school
everytime i go to school
i feel really depressed
cause
i feel as if everyone hates me
and that i dont belong to my class
RAWR

i really pray that the lord will help me
so that i will feel happier
and more relaxed in school

Exodus 15:2
2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

RAWR i just had a hair cut
and now
people are calling me boy boy
cause my hair is damn short now
haii
why like that?
and so many people think
that im only Pri 5 or 6
when im actually Sec 3
even my Pri 6 photo
looks older
what is the world coming to?

anyway yesterday
went to KKH
the doctor said that the next time
he will cut down my medicine
hip hip hooray!
but now i have to change
my bedsheets once a week
and clean the floor daily
wa lao
soooo stress lo
but i guess i cannot complain!
cause its all for my own good
hopefully it will work!

Philippians 2:14-15
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

im soo tired
after sports heats
and amazingly
i didnt run!
haha
when i see people run
i already feel tired
that is how bum-ish i am
anyway
heats were great!
my bro got into the finals
for 200m dash!
hahaha
and my dear friend injin
got 2nd for the 8oom dash
haha
im soo proud of you people

i seriously dont understand
why do people only look
at outer beauty and not inner beauty?
i keep getting this question for chinese
compo or journal
makes me think more and more about it
maybe thats why people suan me
cause im not as good looking as them
and because i dont speak chinese
what kind of reasons are that?
dont even know me well still call me anti-social
waa really
BUAY TAHAN
why cant people just look
at other's inner beauty?
RAWR
what a world of fake people and silicon
we live in
sorry people

okay this is a very long post
RAWR
i hate my class
i dont care if my classmates ever read this
cause i really hate my class
everytime
make so much noise
then got some people in class
so BHB lo
cannot take it man
if anyone from my class reads this
i dont care if you hate me for life
i dont care if my class hates me
i just want to finish secondary school
and move on
bye people of 3e2 '07
but there are some people who
i really wanna thank from my class
cause they really are nice to me
thanks guys =)

1 Peter 3:4
4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Indescribable

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings.
All exclaiming...

(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...

(Chorus)
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.

gosh! this song is like nice
haha
see marionlee i finally agree with you!
anyway
life has been very very erm
unusual
haha
everyone is like complaining
about school
esp people who are taking their os this year
haha
people relax!
im also telling myself not to get so stressed up
scared i too stress
i lose hair
then will be balding like lukelim
haha!
sorry cousin!

gotta go for karate now!
BYEBYE

IM THE QUEEN OF STRESS
stress me and i will BLOW

RAWR im like so stressed
and surprisingly its not school
haii
to who it may concern :
im also very sorry it has to end like this
im really sorry that i didnt know
that _____________________
i only knew it when someone told me
if i had knew earlier
things may not become like this
if i had hurt you im sorry
forgive me?
we still can be extremely good friends!
i would really want to be still friends with you
im really sorry
for the pain you are experiencing
im really sorry
forgive me? ='(

im going to give church another try
so lukelim and marionlee
i promise that i will turn up for church on sunday
maybe luke was right
that i may not feel that god is there
but he is there alright
and i just need to know that he is there for me
under any circumstances
he is with me even
when im having problems
or im feeling hurt

lord i thank you
for being there for me
when im very stressed
when im in trouble
when i feel like everythings gone
lord i thank you for always
being by my side
THANNK YOU!

1 Chronicles 16:34
34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;his love endures forever.

okay im doing another post
cause im bored
or im very troubled

after 2 weeks of not going church
now i feel like i dont want to go church anymore
what is wrong with me?
last time i couldnt wait for church to start
and now i dont feel like going church at all
what is happening?

and to lukelim and marionlee
the reason for me not wanting to go
is not because of AHEM
im much braver than you think
and i can face him anytime

how people?
if my faith in god dwindling?
why? why why?

today school was like super sian
cause a few teachers went for course
then we had no maths and english!
hip hip hooray!
haha

anyway the fun part was F&N
we were doing food experiment with muffins
so my partner and i had to bake muffins
with different amounts of milk
while they were in the oven
I NAMED MY MUFFINS!
haha
the tallest one was -- hazlinda
the flattest one was -- liana
the one with a bump was -- lekshmi
the one widest one was -- sadia
the one with the holes was -- jannah
AND the shortest on was -- ME!

haha
since my english teacher said
that talking to trees make them taller
so i thought talking to my muffins
would make them bake faster!
haha
oh how i love my muffins!

first day at school
not a bad day!
didnt get into any trouble at all
not bad for a first day
i was asked to nominate someone for the
most courteous student award
so i nominated sadia
haha
she was like so angry with me

anyways

thanks marionlee and lukelim for helping me
in you-know-what
even though it didnt turn out well
its okay!
im totally fine with it!

James 1:4
4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

omg
i just told marion who i like
she better not sabo me
that BARTENDER-to-be
haha

haii
but the guy i like
thinks that im irritating
and immature
haii
how?
marion wants to ask him
haha
may as well kill me
sobsobsob
wells thats what life is right?

haha
at least i have friends like
MARIONlee , LUKElim , DANIELtan
chiaHANMAE , CHARISfan and many more
like that i wont die
hahahahaha

You Are 44% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howhappyareyouquiz/">How Happy Are You?

so im actually a sad person
all that laughy smiley face
is nothing
but a fake
i guess what makes me so down
is firstly
i feel like im being ostracised in school
maybe its because i dont speak chinese
or maybe cause
i dont act like the other girls in school
secondly
its results
i practically failed everything
except for english
which i breezed through it
haii
i hate being alone

i really do hate being alone =(

my life is sooo over
i just realised what i have gotten myself into
my whole june hols is burned out
and i joined stupid ndp
which takes up like every saturday

and i did not do well for my exams at all
if i had not studied
i would have blamed myself
but i studied this time
so who can i blame?
no one
im just supposed to die
right?

still sick and extremely moody

2 more days of exams
and 3 more papers to go!
i can do it!

not been sleeping well these few days
dont know why
i guess its the exams
hope after its over i can sleep!

yesterday lead songs at yf
firstly we were chased out of the store room
and had no place to go
so we went to a classroom
then mr daniel tan was late
when he came still show attitude
i kept irritating abel the whole time
haha sooo fun
muhahahaha

i was sooo nervous la
everytime lead songs like that
but thanks to the people
who encouraged me!
haha

wanna go and snooze now!
byebye

COCKROACHES ARE HERE TO INVADE EARTH!
they are like everywhere near my house
on the ground floor
near the dustbin
EVERYWHERE!
i couldnt even get home
without screaming for a while
P.S im afraid of cockroaches!
im gonna take deodorant and a lighter
and BURN ALL OF THEM!
muahahahaha
so watch out cockroaches
CLARE IS GONNA BURN YA'LL

He Opens a Window by Ronna Jordon

When doubts and disappointment
Hide the morning sun
When all my dreams have ended
All my songs are sung
His spirit soars within me
Every doubt is gone
I see a new horizon, and sing a brand new song

Chorus:
For in His perfect timing
Up ahead a light is shining
And I know the dawn will be arriving very soon.
When God closes the door
He opens a window,
He opens a window so I can see
He's workin it out the very best for me
He opens a window just for me

When every road i travel
Leads back to where I've been
When fears about tomorrow
Settle deep within
He gives me new direction
And takes the fear away
He opens up the future
And brings a brand new day, new day

[ Repeat chorus twice ]

this song is from the bible story
Joseph the Dreamer
i have the disk of the musical
and i like it alot alot
the whole thing is about his trust in god
he trusted god his whole life

i really hope that someday i would be like Joseph
trusting in god all the time
these days i only trust in god and remember him
when i need him
i feel that i should not do that
cause its like treating god
very unfairly
he looks after me all the time
and even watches out for me
but i only remember him sometimes

so i hope that i will change to be better!
and trust in god all the time!

i know im evil

but i just have to do this

its priceless

her new haircut is nice

but i feel it makes her look very very

NEAT!

haha now i will look scruffy and messy

haha

thanks marion lee

haha!

NEAT haircut! ( mind the pun )

here is the preeeety girl!

serious you look very neat now

and its a compliment!

for people out there

this is how she looked last time

ANYWAY

after getting the shocking news

that marion chopped her hair

( take a breath )

im fianlly here to blog!
haha
my blog died like many many months ago!

im reviving it
but now its exams

sooooo

im officially on

HIATUS!

i know its dumb

i just revived it

and now im on hiatus

haha

but i will blog even though im on hiatus

but it wont be interesting

just short and boring!

haha

byebye

i just came across a whole box of letters that i have kept throughout the years.
i have never felt so loved before!
after reading all the letters
i realised that i am very very fortunate to have such friends
and also family!
im glad that i found this box
when im soo down
its really picked me up
to know that so many people actually cared about me

this is to the people in my life
who have made it soo fabulous
( no names mentioned ) :

my life is fabulous because of people like you
thanks
i really thank god for you
even though people dont like me
and often make my life miserable,
people like you were always there for me
double thanks
you complete my life
you help me when you can
things are better because of you
triple thanks
i always hoped that fairytales would happen
but they were right before my eyes!
you take my nonsense
and listen to me rant
many many thanks!

love you guys!

HELLO(:
clare is currently too lazy to blog.
so yeah, she made the nice girl who has LOADS of work to do
to help her blog.
how evil of her.
and she took my friendster pic and tried to blackmail me))):
and i have no idea if she lied to me bout giving my number away))):
i bet its lie. cos she always lie to me.
anyway, i'm supposed to talk about her wonderful, fabulous life.
which i know nothing of,
cos she never tells me anything.
so there really isnt much for me to say.
just that she is ALWAYS free.
but too LAZY to blog.
i'm jealous of such free ppl mann.

ohoh, i'm supposed to go study already!
so byebye!(:
loves;
marion(:

Superman (It's Not Easy)
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

i have seriously not been posting
haha
im seriously sorry
just been too busy with life
and fighting the sickness
that allows you to skip school
and that makes you think weird
*flu*

its been a really bad time for me
during chinese new
my cousins from my mum's side
treat me like dirt
and my cousins from my dad's side
im so glad they love me
even though we dont see each other much
it great to talk to them
everytime we meet
thanks <3s!

i like that song
superman
by five for fighting
its nice!
even though the main singer sounds gay
haha
at least i have something to do
when my cousins treat me like dirt

You've been my sister for many years,
We've laughed together
And shed some tears.
We've had harsh words,
And pulled some hair
But against the world
We are a terrific pair.
Our times together are very few,
I just want to say
I LOVE YOU!

haha
marion i found this online
gosh
it really talks about the whole time i knew you
all the laughter
all the times i hated you
all the times i felt like flicking your fat
and the time crying
because i thought you had found a better friend
but in the end,
haha
I STILL LOVE YOU!

today late for school
so that meant detention class
sheesh
anyway the whole day was bad
and i lost my e maths textbook!
like wa lao
if i tell mummy sure die lo
haii so i shall use my money
and go buy a new one.

anyway DC was okay
i did my homework
and did a little reflection
on my life

after listening to the what jessy said yesterday
i feel that i have not been living my life properly
but everytime i try to change
i fail
then i would be too lazy to pick myself up again
sometimes i wonder
why am i doing this when i dont gain anything out of this
and i never get an answer
i try to be a good friend
and a good christian example
so from now on i must
jia you!


and see people
i do post!
haha just that i dont do it so often now
cause im busy!
byebye

suddenly felt very tired today
couldnt wake up
maybe cause i didnt feel like walking
anyway reached church late
and marvin was already waiting for gen and i
haha im always the middle person to arrive
and gen is almost always the latest!
anyway did the powerpoint
and then the stupid notebook died on us
what crap!

anyway then went for yf
as usual!
then realised that i was to do games today
so i panicked
yeah shit i panicked
then i decided to collect ideas
for ycom's next big project
haha sorry people its secret!
anyway some were stupid
and we didnt care about them

anyway we roughly got ideas
thanks for those who gave good ideas!

then on the way to j8
the most hilarious thing happened
guess what!
pearl's shoes broke!
wakakaka
then we walked the whole of j8 to find her slippers
grrrrr
hungry hungry
we finally found it
thank god haha
ate KFC and i suddenly thought of hanmae
so marion and i talked about her
awwww miss her!

anyway very tired
so going to sleep
night!!

argh its almost time for me to go tuition and im super sianed out.
last few days at school didnt work out as usual
and i sorta got into trouble
with forgetting to bring stuff and sleeping in class
oh ya and i got into trouble with my a maths teacher
i told him i didnt understand a maths question
and he scolded me saying
that im in express
and i should know
that i must be faking it
and dunno wat other rubbish!
he was sooooooo irritating
and so in the end he made me cry
( i cant believe i cried )
and ran out of the classroom
sheesh!
is it wrong for me to ask questions?
he is paid to teach us and help us in our maths!
cant believe it.

and at gb i got my 2nd year badge!
woohoo!
and i also got a BLACKEYE!
cause this sec 1 girl was going to pass me the ball
while playing captain's ball
then she unexpectedly shuffed the ball in my face!
so i was like " pass me the ball "
and the next thing i knew
WHAM!! i was hit in the face
now blackeye
cant really see the bruise
but i know its there
when i move my eye it hurts
haha
what a "wonderful" week

okay i just broke one of my rules about not being emo.
today at school i was very stressed even though
it was the only day i did do my homework.
the teachers are being very ridiculous with their punishments.
like who says if you dont do your duty or
didnt bring your homework you copy 10 pages of the textbook?
thats ridiculous
and who calls your parents up immediately
when you dont submit your hw?
like come on
its not like i dont have a good reason
how do you expect me to submit my hw
when i dont even understand it?!
ridiculous

gosh and when i came home
i was already having a headache
and my mother asked me to cut some cabbages
and after i finished
she just kept asking me to do this and that
and its not like i have been back from school
like for the whole day
and have not been doing anything
the thing is that i just came home from school
and i have been cutting her cabbages
and now she is pressuring me
like what was my brother doing at that time?
he was playing his Ps2
like sheesh!
biasness at school and home too!

ive been having a headache since morning
and i need to sleep now
byebye!

last night i really felt bad.
im not sure why but i was worried that my week at school wouldnt work out for me
or i will get into trouble or something bad will happen to me.
maybe im over-reacting but i keep feeling down for no reason.
and im always tired.
and the best thing is,
i just forgot my goal in life.
so i shall type it out on my blog so
that when i forget i can take a look at it.

goals for the week:
1] be less vulgar
2] be not so emo
3] stop worrying
4] spend time talking to god
5] do my homework
6] be a nice girl and not irritate my friends
7] just STOP WORRYING

okay today at school it just didnt work out for me.
kept feeling sleepy
and constantly finding myself day-dreaming
and wishing to go home
didnt feel hungry at all
and kept getting pissed off with
the stupid attention seeker in my class.
all bad bad things
so i must try to improve
today i was not sooo vulgar
so on the way to achieving goal no. 1!

tmrw is a new day and now im going to sleep then do my homework.
so that i will reach goal no. 5!
byebye

got to church late as usual
had the wine and bread thing
and i didnt spill the drink
or crush the bread!
hurray to me!

bs was good
cause i did my homework
when we had sharing with jessy
she talked about BGR
and i shared about
my life in school
where im alyas vulgar
and i dont do my homework
and i talk back to my teachers
and i break school rules

today's bible study made me understand
that i need to change
i need to allow god in my life more often
and i need to change my life too
when jessy was sharing it
really helped me to plan for my future
about what im going to be
in the line of BGR
and that i should not
fall under peer pressure

i must persevere
and not fall to peer pressure
where in my school
i have lost a few friends
because im a christian
so i must not follow my other friends
and block god out from my life
but i must show them that god IS present in my life
so i must act in the right way

so whoever reads this
please pray for me!

school is really stressing me out. i just cannot cope with my subjects lo. like a maths is sooo confusing and i also cannot stand some people in my class. these people think that they are soo cute and keep making so much noise when people are trying to study. i think they just want attention. pity them acting like little kids when they are already upper-sec.

anyway still very stressed with school but i have not forgotten my dear friend hanmae who should be in aus now. haha hope she will cope well there and not be stressed out like me!

okay gotta go and mugmugmug! wakakaka im sooo hardworking. serious im really gonna study. byebye!

2nd day of school just didnt work out for me.
first i realised that i had left my A maths textbook at school the day before
and i had to go and beg the school aunty to help me open the classroom door.
and i havent finished all my school work
so i was soo scared the whole day.
and when i had F & N my container cracked and
the whole day i had to put tissue under the container to absorb the oil.
sheesh.
then after school i was supposed to have GB at 2.15pm
but at 2.45pm the ma ams didnt even come.
i was sooo pissed
they made us wait for 1/2 and hour
and when we make them wait 5 mins
they will nag and nag
like its the end of the world
gosh how can they be leaders??
i feel like quiting GB
and maybe i shall join drama
haha
but like come on
even if im made squad leader
nobody told me that i was elected to be
sheesh
okay enough of GB it just pisses me off

this is one of my childhood songs
and i just ADORE it!
i put this song here
for my dear friend
hanmae
hope she will remember this song
and all the days when we were young
not that we arent anymore
BUT
when we were kiddies
running around in our underwear
haha!!


Veggie Tales Theme Song
by Tales Veggie

Bob:
If you like to talk to tomatoes,
If a squash can make you smile,
If you like to waltz with potatoes
Up and down the produce aisle—
Have we got a show for you!

Singers:
VeggieTales…!

Bob:
Broccoli
Celery
Gotta’ be

Singers:
VeggieTales!

Junior:
Lima Beans,
Collard Greens
Peachy Keen

Singers:
VeggieTales!

Larry:
Cauliflower
Sweet and sour
Half an hour

Singers:
VeggieTales!
There’s never ever ever ever
Ever been a show like
Veggietales!
There’s never ever ever ever
Ever been a show like
Veggie Tales!
It’s time for VeggieTales!
(children happily giggling)

hanmae! hope you remember this song!! haha i do! and i just love it. if you cant remember the song i will gladly sing it for you!!

okay gotta go study now!

school is starting tmrw and i have not finished my homework.
im not really in the right frame of mind to start school.
like i just came back from thailand and now poof its school again.
and now hanmae is telling me she is going away for like 9 months.
haii im sooo gonna miss that little girl.

this is ABOUT hanmae :
i have known her for soo many donkey years.
since she was in diapers.
since young she has always been a very very cute and nice little girl.
i dont think she has grown much.
anyway she has always been my good friend.
but when she came into yf we became closer and closer and now we are very close.
i encouraged her to join Ycom to help out with the stuff in yf and she has been a great help.
she is going away with her family for i think 9 months and
im sooo gonna miss that little girl although i cant really feel her presence.
cause small people take up lesser space.

okay now this is TO hanmae :
hey little small minature girl,
after soo many years of knowing you,
you ahve not changed much ( even the height ).
thanks for all the times you listen to me rant.
you have been a great friend.
all the lunches we had all the times we played badminton and
ended up laughing and fooling around.
really gonna miss you when you are away.
but has my mum said
" if your are really good friends,
even when she comes back you 2 will still be like the same old friends you were before she left. nothing will change is your friendship is strong"
i really hope that will happen.
so before you leave im going to say something very random
( like i always do )
COME BACK SOON!
haha.

god bless and have a safe trip there
will be thinking about you here
now that you are going then i will have to have lunch with
marion only
soooooo sad
haii haha marion dont be soo sad
not like i dont like to go lunch with you
just that you are so _____
( fill in the blanks )

okay gotta study
new word in my vocab!!
cause must chiong for sec 3
so can do well.