I miss you guys so much.

Pretty bad week and everything. Seems like things don't really go your way when you want or need them too. So many things to settle but, so little time. 

School has been pretty bummed out. Cause of Prep exams. I do try my best. But my best never seems enough to me. I don't know how much others are expecting from me. But I know that I am not reaching the expectation I have of myself. 

Got so many things to settle but I don't know how to go about settling them. I did ask God for wisdom on how to settle them. But I don't think I still do get it. Sigh I must be like born dumb of something. Sigh I worry that things would turn out opposite from what I expect. Of all times to get all these stuff now. Makes O levels seem unworthy of my time.

Gahh I want to go Australia at the end of the year. But its like so expensive. I don't like want to like tell Mummy and Daddy how much I want to go. Because I don't want to give them any stress. Sighh but I would understand if we do not get to go at the end of the year. Sigh sometimes I do wish I was rich. But I guess God is fair. I got a happy family.

Thank You by Ray Boltz
I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard these angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said friend you may not know me now
And then he said, but wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave
Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry
You didn’t have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that’s why I’m here today

CHORUS

One by one they came
Far as your eyes could see
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices you made
They were unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know that up in heaven
You’re not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, my child look around you
For great is your reward

CHORUS

I am so glad you gave.

If I tell you that I am lonely now, would you come all the way here to give me a hug?

Just came back from swimming, extremely tired. Sigh I never liked swimming. Anyway I have lots of things to think about. Its not important but I just want to think about it. Even if it does make me feel depressed.

Just talked to Greg the other day. Miss him so much. He said hes coming back soon. I hope his soon is like real soon. Got so many things to tell him =) He said hes found a girlfriend there. Shes into wrestling! He showed her my picture and she said she wanted to meet me. He said he guessed shes never seen anyone so small. Haha shes 180. I really wonder how people ever grow so tall. Anyway Greg said that he and Alyce - nice name, are trying to make me the 1000 paper cranes thingy. Haha honestly, I think I will never get to see it. Cause Greg is just like me. We cannot even fold paper planes. Let alone cranes. No offence Greg. Greg is a silent blog reader. He reads, he laughes but he never or rarely tags. Hmmm see if this post will make him soo touched that he will tag!

After talking to Greg, I suddenly seem to miss Zanny alot. I feel really guilty for not thinking about her everyday. I even forgot her death aniversary. Cause to me, shes always there. I guess I still cant get over the fact that she has left. I miss her to bits. But I know I can never give her a hug anymore. Thinking about it now, I really have not been thinking about her. Im sorry Zanny. But deep down in my heart. I really do miss her. I have always been. Ever since she left for Hawaii and even when she passed away. I always wish that she never fell ill and she never died. But I know I cant turn back the clock. Sigh. I MISS YOU ZANNY.

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many

Songs about rainbows

And what's on the other side

Rainbow's are visions

They're only illusions

And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told and some chose to

Believe it

But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish

Would be heard and answered

When wished on the morning star

Somebody thought of that

And someone believed it

And look what it's done so far

What's so amazing

That keeps us star gazing

What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it

That Rainbow Connection

The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep

And have you heard voices

I've heard them calling my name

Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors

I think they're one and the same

I've heard it too many times to ignore it

There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

My Mummy is putting my kittens up for adoption. I hate that. Why must she do that? Sigh everytime I get attached to the kittens she puts them up for adoption. Sighh I will miss them. =(

Everything is collapsing around me. Sigh false hopes and everything. I just dont get anything. But neither do I intend to get them. All I want to do is just be alone. I cannot seem to find a time where I can be alone. I just want to lock my room door and spend a whole day with myself, sorting things out. But seems like school is totally killing me. I can feel I have changed. I'm getting physically and mentally weaker everyday. It totally feels like shit.

Maria McMorbid © [Maria]

Maria McMorbid © [Maria]