I'm afraid I can't make it.
Will you hold my hand and walk with me?
Or will you neglct me when you see the obstacles upahead.
Will you tell me it's gonna be okay?
Or will you crush my withering confidence.
Will you hold me close when I'm falling?
Or will you laugh when I fall.
Will you support my decisions?
Or will you tell me I'm wrong.
Will you be there for me?
Or do I have to go through this myself.

FEAR

The fear of flying insects,

The fear of the absence of light

The fear of happy people,

The fear of emotions.

The fear of hidden smiles,

The fear of masked feelings.

The fear of losing something,

The fear of regret.

The fear of everything new,

The fear of change.

The fear of knowing,

The fear of not knowing.

The fear of my own thoughts,

The fear of ohers thoughts.

The fear of things to come,

The fear of the past.

The fear of falling,

The fear of flying.

The fear of pride,

The fear of shame.

The fear of love,

The fear of hate.

(c) ngsiahying

Written on: 3 November 2009

Seeing your classmates outrightly shun you, purposely changing seats to avoid sitting with you - PRICELESS

I may not look like I care about the way people look at me,but it really hurts. You don't know me, but you judge me. I feel like a caged animal put in the spotlightfor people to criticise and humiliate. I'm human too, I have feelings. The feeling of sitting alone in class is too painful to describe. Its like I don't have friends that I can call my own. All I want to know is what have I done to deserve this. Am I too anti-social, not pretty enough, or just too weird for some people. It hurts so bad, but I don't think you guys even bother to care about my feelings. Because I'm only the anti-social girl, sitting alone at the back of the class. Hope you're happy, idiots.

I believe in faries, pixies, stardust and all this magical. I believe that when you put your tooth under the pillow, the toothfairy will exchange it for a golden coin. I believe that in the middle of every flower, is a fairy baby waking up every morning. I believe in cute, old garden gnomes. I believe in fairy rings. I believe in the magic of stardust, that it can make all wishes come true.

But most importantly, I believe in the unconditional love that God has showed me, and the love between his people.

Rain,
A refreshing shower,

A heavy downpour.

A hint of thunder,

A spark of lightning.

Windows closing,

Umbrellas going up.

Two friends playing together,

Memories that last forever.

(c) ngsiahying

My eyebrows may not be perfectly arched,

My lips might look a little too parched,

My eyes could hold a tad too much fear,

My looks may not land me a modeling career,

My clothing sometimes doesn’t follow the trend,

My personality, you may not comprehend,

My fingernail polish might slightly be chipped,

My life may not follow the teenager script,

My skin tone may seem a little too pale,

My habits might make me appear rather frail,

However, I’d rather be ugly through and through,

If perfect meant I was just like you.

(c) LemonyLessay

It hurts to think about you and all the memories we had together. The strong bond of friendship we had. When I'm lonely, I think about you so much that sometimes I could feel that your right beside me. Sometimes I just stare at the computer screen and wish that you would come online. Msn is getting so over-rated now. It's either used for arguing with people, or disturbing them.

Anyway I hope that you are happy wherever you are. Must be pretty nice up there. Hope you miss me, cause I really miss you too. I simply wish you were here for me to rant to. Its not easy to find a friend that listens to you. I got a new song on my ipod. Its 'Making Memories Of Us'. I keep listening to it on loop, because it reminds me of you. MISS YOU! D:

To all guys out there,

Please don't hurt my friends.

Don't rip out their hearts,

And throw it against the wall.

They are just innocent people,

Seeking love in this cruel world.

It breaks my heart,

When they come crying to me,

And telling me all the things you did.

'Cause if you hurt them,

I will ensure you never forget me.

Don't even bother trying,

Cause if you do,

You'll never be able to try again.

Thanks :]

If you think you understand me,

Think again.

If you think you like me,

Think again.

If you think I like you,

Think again.

If you think I'm happy,

Think again.

If you think I worry too much,

Think again.

If you think I have friends,

Think again.

If you think I'm a lonely soul,

Think again.

If you think I'm in love,

Think again.

If you think you know me,

Think again,

Or just don't think at all.

(c) ngsiahying

Hello,

Quit asking me if I'm alright. Because it is so obvious I'm not. How can I be alright, when so many things are going against me? It feels like my heart has been picked up and thrown against a wall.

I never expected you to be such a bitch. I had always thought you were someone who cherished friendship. But I was wrong, dead wrong. You made use of me and then left me to clean up the mess.

But I got to thank you for opening my eyes to this part of life. Where friends pick you up and throw you against the wall. Now I know how shallow and how blinded you are.

Goodbye girl.

I guard things most precious

In a heart made of glass,

Its guarded by my doubts and fears

Do you dare to pass?

If you do somehow break though

To my most precious thoughts,

And those its clear I hold so dear

Whether happy or distraught.

Would you give me peace of mind

And stay to me so true,

Or would you grasp onto my heart

And shatter it in two?

My fragile state, my dreary mind

Sealed away for eternity,

Lest you dare to venture in

And find my heart’s key

Approaching that I hold so dear

Please don’t dare leave me torn,

My heart in pieces on the ground

And my spirit so forlorn.

deviantart - =Amphy (c)

Everytime I strum my blue guitar, my heart cracks a little and it bleeds. I always wonder when would it be when my heart would not suffer anymore. However, I never want to forget about you. Because when you were around, it was the best time of my life. You made me whole, you lit up my life and showed me how to love. But most importantly, you taught me how to smile.

When you gave me your blue guitar, it just made me feel like the most special person in the whole world. You whispered in my ear that you would always be there everytime I play the guitar. But when you left me, I did not have the strength to pick up the guitar and play. It just hurt so badly everytime I thought of you.

But boy, I have finally got the strength and courage to pick my my guitar. I always pray that you could be beside me and helping me. But all I hope now, is that you are proud of me when I make an improvement. Cause everytime I strum the guitar now, I feel the love you had for me and my heart just heals.

I still love you.

One day I hope to meet you again.

But till that day arrives,

I'll be all alone.

You understood me,

All my pain and anguish.

You were there when I was happy,

When I was sad.

When I felt like punching something,

You always offered your body,

And I'm sorry I hit you hard.

Now that you've left,

Sorrow is overwhelming,

Darkness is everywhere.

You were the one that drove it away,

You made everything feel alright.

You were my light, strength and life.

But now it's all gone,

And I can never get out of this dark abyss I'm in,

Not until you hold me close again.

For you boy,

With all my love.

(c) ngsiahying

Everytime I look over my shoulder, I always had the hope of seeing you. Cause boy, do you know how much I miss you. Almost everything I do reminds me of you. Sometimes tear flow down my cheeks at night, tears that show how much you meant to me. Nothing can make up how much I miss you, no amount of tears can suffice. You mean the world to me but sadly, we can't share the wonders of the world anymore together. What you did was very stupid and hurtful.

Poly is so busy. All the hustle and bustle of school. People walking here and there on their way to different destinations. However, despite how busy school is, I always have the time to stop and think about you. Everytime people ask me about the ring on my finger, I think about you and I smile a sad smile 'cause I know that things will never be the same again. Even with new friends and a new part of life, I will never forget the old memories. There is always a hole in my heart that is in the shape of you.

Do you miss me? I miss you everytime it rains heavily. I felt miserable, lonely, bitter and wet. I keppt seeing your face in my mind telling me lots of things. But all I want to know is if you miss me. Cause i know i bloody hell do miss you. I'm missing you so much I'm doing things I never thought I would do. I'm missing you so much that it just simply hurts.

Sadly, it makes me kinda hate you for leaving like this. I've thought of so many ways for up to part. But never did I imagine that we would part like this. I feel like the worst friend on earth, because I could not tell that you were sad. I would trade many many things just to have you back. But I know that will never ever happen. Even if I can trade things to have you back, it would never be the same. Its just like a cup that had been broken. Even how you glue it back to fix it, it would never be the same. The cup would always have cracks.

Do you remember when we used to sit on the stairs and blow bubbles into the air. You used to tease me for having asthma and that my bubbles were only half-sized. I miss holding your hand and blowing the bubbles together. We would go to Toys R Us and buy the biggest bottle on the shelf. We would then finish blowing the whole bottle in a week. I cannot believe how much I miss you. I keep wondering if things would be different if you were still around. Would you actually tell me you loved me? Would you hold my hand like you used to? Would we blow bubbles together? Would we still meet at un-earthly hours just to do our "stuff"? Would you still call me "Xiao Mi"?

I don't ever want to let you go.

Went to watch Disney on ice today. Kinda brought me back to the times when I was a kid, all those childish wishes and dreams. But I guess now, it all seems meaningless.

What's the point wishing when deep down, you know its never gonna happen. Like wishing for the grades you want - they never came true, or I would be in a JC now. Like wishing your bestest friend knew how much she means to you and that you would do anything not to hurt her. Like wishing you could keep all the people you love close to your heart and that you would neverever lose them. Like wishing you could have the courage to tell this friend you drifted away from, that he reallyreally means alot to you and that you would do anything to reverse time. Like wishing my friend never left me alone to handle all the hurt I've felt.

Dreaming is another thing altogether. Dreams are super unrealistic and very wrong. It manipulates the mind to think that everything is going to be alright and that life would be smooth-sailing. But welcome to the real world, where dreams are for losers. Unfortunately I'm the biggest loser who spends most of her time dreaming. I realised that however much I dreamed, these dreams would only be like bubbles - never real to the touch and they burst easily.

Hey boy,

Have I ever told you how much you mean to me?
How you make my heart beat faster everytime you smile?
How you appear in my daydreams and nightmares?
How you seem ever-so sweet and gentlemanly?
How you seem to make a rainbow form with just light wave?
How you confuse me with your mixed signals?
How you touch my shoulder and all hurt just disappears?
How you lead me out of darkness with just a word?
How your eyes twinkle when your happpy?
How much I think about you everyday?
How much I love you - even though its wrong?

Wells, I guess I forgot.

(c) ngsiahying

If I hung myself from the rafters,

Would you love me then?

If I bled to death in my tub,

Would you cry for me?

If I died for you,

Would you still love me?

If I cut my face,

Would you call me beautiful?

If I froze to death,

Would you miss me?

If I bled for you,

Would you still love me?

If I told you how much pain you’ve caused,

Would you say you’re sorry?

(c) ngsiahying

A hug can say a thousand words

A hug can say a single word

A hug can mean a thousand things

A hug can mean completely nothing

A hug can be intentional

A hug can be accidental

A hug can tell everything

A hug can tell not a word

A hug is all of these and much more

A hug is all I yearn
(c) ngsiahying

If we were meant to be together, our lives would be miraculously intertwined. We could start out as total strangers, or even enemies and still end up as lovers. Tis is how the fate of lovers work. How ever strong the opposition is or how hard the obstacles are, we would go through thick and thin together, facing all the odds. You may not like the first impression you have of me, or I may hate you 'cause of the way you look but deep down inside, we know that we were meant for each other.

Valentine’s day means nothing to me

People run around looking for gifts

Candy, flowers, cards or stuffed animals

It’s nothing but sentimental bull shit

Artificial love and artificial feelings

What shows love like cards or candy?

Actual words, actual feelings and emotions

But that’s all lost

No one believes in it anymore

They believe in candy, cards, and flowers

And sentimental emotions and feelings

Heart shaped candy

Heart shaped chocolates

A secret admirer confessing their love

That’s all meaningless

For once in my life

I would like something more

I want something more out of that day

I want someone to prove that they love me

Tell me in their own words

Don’t send me chocolates, flowers, or cards

Because I won't pay attention

That stuff doesn’t catch my attention

It doesn’t show your true affection!

For Valentine’s day all I want is to be loved

Going down the road of life,

Imagining it without you,

Thought you'd be by my side,

Walking together just us two.

We found our way together,

Through the mazes we walked,

You wiped away my tears,

So we laughed and we talked.

Wishing I could freeze time,

As impossible as that task,

My heart is breaking but,

For you to stay I won't ask.

Our amazing road of life,

Is slowly splitting apart,

The memories I won't forget,

But I do need a new start.

As I try to keep this smile,

Tears are coming I won't lie,

But let us laugh one more time,

For this final goodbye.

Deviantart (c) ~ forleafclovgrl

I like it in the rain,

Cause no one can see I'm crying.

All the pain is hidden,
While I'm slowly dying.

The streaks on my face,

I can blame the rain.

Hiding the lies,

And masking the pain.

The fear in my eyes,

Is the only trace.

As the rain clears away,

Every tear from my face.

The water slowly drips,

Dwon from my hair.

In the rain,

No one need to know I'm there.

Soaked to the skin,

Every part of me.

I love being in the rain,

As I'm finally free.

(c) AnominusMidge - Deviantart