I miss you lots. Every morning I wake up, I would look at my phone and wish you would sms me good morning. But as the day gets longer, it dawns on me that you are no longer around and that I would never get to hear you or see you again. I want to tell you everything that has been happening to me but you never seem to be around to listen. Remember the time we sat at Gombak on the rocks, eating ice-cream, you said you would listen forever. All I am asking now is not for you to listen to me, I am just asking for you to tell me the reason why you left. I can never seem to figure out why you left. Everytime I tell people about you, I would cry because I miss you lots and I regret not being there for you.

Im sorry buddy.

Count the things,

That are wrong with your life,

And you would be counting forever,

As you juggle your feelings,

Careful,

Dont let them break,

As you journey to the centre,

Of nothing,

And thoughts bounce,

And hit,

Wanting to be heard,

Wanting you to feel something,

Anything,

Pain is in the mind,

But that doesnt stop it hurting,

As shards of happiness,

And hope,

Lie at my feet,

And everything is busy,

Inside my head,

Cant find myself,

HELP ME,

Lost in all the thoughts,

Whats real?

Whats not?

What is the world coming to?

What am I coming to?

Fading,

Empty,

Its coming,

I'm afraid,

So afraid.

Basic camp was a really difficult time for me. I never knew that I would actually experience so much pain during this camp. I never wanted to go for the camp. But I'm also very sorry to those people who are so disappointed with me. I'm really sorry. I thought I could be transformed during this camp. Guess it only happened for the first night. Because when I came back from malaysia everything sorta became what it was at first. I cannot seem to feel God around anymore. Anyway I dont think others need to know how much I hurt cause some people dont care.

Malaysia was just funny. I went go-karting and I crashed really badly. Hurt really bad too. Maybe I really dont have any driving sense. I suck at ping-pong too. Apparently my whole family can play ping-pong except me. Smart.

The following weeks are gonna be really long. I can sense that in the weeks to come, it aint gonna be great. But what can I do?