1 more month to O levels! Or to be more exact, it’s only about 27 days more. Halleluiah people. Things are staring to look bleak. I am procrastinating still and more things aren’t looking up. Oh my. But at least I can cling onto the fact that in 1 months time, I am going to be free free free. No more waking up early and enduring teachers scolding you for sleeping in class. Hurrah!

I'll Be There - Jackson 5

You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, Ill be there

Ill reach out my hand to you, Ill have faith in all you do
Just call my name and Ill be there

Ill be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you,
Im so glad that I found you
Ill be there with a love thats strong
Ill be your strength, Ill keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well thats all Im after
Whenever you need me, Ill be there
Ill be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and Ill be there

If you should ever find someone new,
I know hed better be good to you cause if he doesnt, Ill be there
Dont you know, baby, yeah yeah
Ill be there, Ill be there, just call my name, Ill be there

Ill be there, Ill be there, whenever you need me, Ill be there
Dont you know, baby, yeah yeah
Ill be there, Ill be there, just call my name, Ill be there...

Thanks Greg. ILY too.

For a moment there I forgot.
Forgot who I was and where I was going.
For a moment I broke down, than I held it all in...
Refusing to grieve beyond this point.
Just still in a state of shock, loss, and torment.
Crying now, it feels like I've forgotten where I stood.
Where the path leads, where the circle begins again.
I'm going to try to see a part of me.
Just me and no one else.
I'm going to try to let this go, but I think a part of me never will.

Can you believe this?

I don't want to be alone anymore.

Just a bruise, a major bump in the road.

So, for a moment there I think I forgot.

Forgot to breath,

forgot to cry

forgot to bleed

forgot to die.

Confusion always plays a part.

Toying with our emotions.

Stringing them from the outside and leaving them for......

I think I forgot...

For now I don't want to remember.

Remember the way this all felt...

Forgive me for now..for I can't see past this.

Greg challenged me. To give the guitar one more try. He said I’m too caught up with other stuff and I need to try something new. The thing is, I have given up on the guitar. But that stupid BUMFAT asked me to try again. He said when he comes back next year. He’s gonna see me play. Hooboy.

School pretty much sucks. I don’t like my sitting position. Ew. Anyway school is beginning to feel so mundane. Everything is so monotone. Sigh. Don’t think anything new is going to happen. Unless one of us like decides to commit suicide out of stress. Wont that be nice.

Having stomach flu now. Which means that everything I eat, is vomited out minutes later. Sucks to be me. I want to eat, but I cant. I even had an injection and I hate injections.

Its seems so weird when you start talking to me. Its like my whole world is suddenly blocked out and I’m in a bubble. Everything that we share, I really want it to be true. But everytime I talk to you, I always doubt you. Because of this, I am also starting to doubt myself. It super hurts. I don’t want to doubt anyone.

Everytime I think I’m closer to the heart,

Of what it means to know just who I am.

I think I finally found a better place to start,

But no one never seems to understand.

Letting go is not easy. Even how hard I try, I just cannot seem to let go. Maybe he is not worth it. Maybe I don’t need a friend like him. But I just don’t know why everything turned out like this. Is it because of me? Or is it cause of him? Or is it the both of us. Its so pissy to be thinking of random reasons why it is happening or why did it happen.

Is it worth suffering over a person like him? If he is not willing to be my friend, why am I still clinging on so stupidly? Do I want to continue suffering or should I just let go and move on. Sigh, if only life were that simple. If it were then the whole world would not be suffering from heart pain.

I don’t know if your friendship is worth the pain I am suffering now.

I LOVE SINGING SAD SONGS.