total sian
today had like slight food poisoning
so didnt go school
yeahh
but then stay at home very weird
like nothing to do

anyway had familympics at vivo city yesterday
formed a team with krystl and christopher
my cousins
and krystl's boyfriend leon
and dwight
super sad mann
we actually won third
but didnt win the money
cause something happened
anyway
i think if they were fair
about everything
then we would have won first
but nevermind la
we had lots of fun!
wheeeee~~

brain dead already

after YOU said those words
you made me feel like
the biggest F*CKER in the whole damn world
you had to pick on me
and make my life terrible
thanks alot
and if your aim was to make me angry
congrats you had reached your aim
im freaking pissed
all thanks to you
great job

i just realised its not all that easy
to remove all these masks
i have been wearing them for too long
that i cant remember the real me anymore
this is freaking sad
and its shit hard to go back to being me
when people just make you feel
like the biggest idiot in the world
and when people
tell you that your never good enough

shoot me
i dont give a damn anymore

this is gonna be a looooog post
FIRSTLY,
erm after thinking about it
i think i owe my class 4e2 an apology
dont think you guys would read this
but still sorry
for not being enthu for the class cheer
and not going for practice
i guess i dont have the right attitude about it
and im really sorry guys

SECONDLY,
im like shit high in homework
everytime i want to do my work
i just get soo distracted
i mean im not the only one who has lots of homework
and everyone is suffering too
but i honestly cant do this
i know o levels is not something i can quit
i cant quit
but i cant do this anymore either
its slowly eating me up
and its so painful everyday

THIRDLY,
i think im extremely funny
i mean monday to friday
im like antisocial to my class
unless your like the people i hang out with
then i admit i do act a little different
then saturday im like d-e-a-d
rushing here and there
not much time to care about my emotions
then sunday
im happy-go-lucky clare
then when i reach home on sunday
i feel like i just faked the whole of my sunday
its just THAT feeling you get

FOURTHLY,
i feel that im not spending enough time
with my family
yeah sure im home most of the time
cause its either school or home now
but then when im home im in my room
doing my own stuff
i dont know if my parents can feel it
but i just dont feel that family bond anymore
except on certain occasions
im not sure but maybe its because
my emotions are all like spent during the day
that im emotionless
when it comes to my family
its so emotionally draining

this is a depressing post
but i need to post this
esp the apology to my class
for being soo antisocial
but i hope you guys "love" me
for who i am
the clare who has different faces
thanks guys for being soo 4e2-ish

and for my BASIC peeps
ermm i know that i do tell
some of you my problems and all
and you guys are honestly concerned about me
but every week
when i come home
i just feel so weird and fake
cause i know that sunday
i was just wearing a "happy" mask
like i have been doing most of my church days
for those who i shared my problems with
THANK YOU GUYS
and i have decided to stop
putting on all these masks
so that people would know the real me
and i that when im alone
and reviewing my day
i wont feel like i have deceived myself
and all you guys
soo yeahh
its gonna be a big leap for me
cause im quite used to hiding my emotions
from most people
i want to try this
so that i can answer to myself next time

coming to the end of the post!
haha this is like a big thank you
to my one and only fei zhai : -

PEARLYN TAN!~
hey girl
thanks for always being here for me
like always
even though we are always busy
i know your there for me

im like 47 kg noww
that means i lost 5 kg already
im not happy
im actually depressed
firstly i cant see i lost weight
and im losing too fast
sighhhh
maybe im really shrinking
awww mannn

anyway im dying noww
rushing f&n coursework
stupid teacher keeps threatening us
with the stupid blue form
sheeeesh
now gotta rush
then i lost like 3/4 of all my work
so i gotta redo
damn

YIPEE!
i have like survived my FIRST night cycling!
ache ache ache mann
hahahaha
backside most pain
but shiok leh
hahaha
anyway tiredd
going to sleep noww
byebye