If you think you understand me,

Think again.

If you think you like me,

Think again.

If you think I like you,

Think again.

If you think I'm happy,

Think again.

If you think I worry too much,

Think again.

If you think I have friends,

Think again.

If you think I'm a lonely soul,

Think again.

If you think I'm in love,

Think again.

If you think you know me,

Think again,

Or just don't think at all.

(c) ngsiahying

Hello,

Quit asking me if I'm alright. Because it is so obvious I'm not. How can I be alright, when so many things are going against me? It feels like my heart has been picked up and thrown against a wall.

I never expected you to be such a bitch. I had always thought you were someone who cherished friendship. But I was wrong, dead wrong. You made use of me and then left me to clean up the mess.

But I got to thank you for opening my eyes to this part of life. Where friends pick you up and throw you against the wall. Now I know how shallow and how blinded you are.

Goodbye girl.

I guard things most precious

In a heart made of glass,

Its guarded by my doubts and fears

Do you dare to pass?

If you do somehow break though

To my most precious thoughts,

And those its clear I hold so dear

Whether happy or distraught.

Would you give me peace of mind

And stay to me so true,

Or would you grasp onto my heart

And shatter it in two?

My fragile state, my dreary mind

Sealed away for eternity,

Lest you dare to venture in

And find my heart’s key

Approaching that I hold so dear

Please don’t dare leave me torn,

My heart in pieces on the ground

And my spirit so forlorn.

deviantart - =Amphy (c)

Everytime I strum my blue guitar, my heart cracks a little and it bleeds. I always wonder when would it be when my heart would not suffer anymore. However, I never want to forget about you. Because when you were around, it was the best time of my life. You made me whole, you lit up my life and showed me how to love. But most importantly, you taught me how to smile.

When you gave me your blue guitar, it just made me feel like the most special person in the whole world. You whispered in my ear that you would always be there everytime I play the guitar. But when you left me, I did not have the strength to pick up the guitar and play. It just hurt so badly everytime I thought of you.

But boy, I have finally got the strength and courage to pick my my guitar. I always pray that you could be beside me and helping me. But all I hope now, is that you are proud of me when I make an improvement. Cause everytime I strum the guitar now, I feel the love you had for me and my heart just heals.

I still love you.

One day I hope to meet you again.

But till that day arrives,

I'll be all alone.

You understood me,

All my pain and anguish.

You were there when I was happy,

When I was sad.

When I felt like punching something,

You always offered your body,

And I'm sorry I hit you hard.

Now that you've left,

Sorrow is overwhelming,

Darkness is everywhere.

You were the one that drove it away,

You made everything feel alright.

You were my light, strength and life.

But now it's all gone,

And I can never get out of this dark abyss I'm in,

Not until you hold me close again.

For you boy,

With all my love.

(c) ngsiahying

Everytime I look over my shoulder, I always had the hope of seeing you. Cause boy, do you know how much I miss you. Almost everything I do reminds me of you. Sometimes tear flow down my cheeks at night, tears that show how much you meant to me. Nothing can make up how much I miss you, no amount of tears can suffice. You mean the world to me but sadly, we can't share the wonders of the world anymore together. What you did was very stupid and hurtful.

Poly is so busy. All the hustle and bustle of school. People walking here and there on their way to different destinations. However, despite how busy school is, I always have the time to stop and think about you. Everytime people ask me about the ring on my finger, I think about you and I smile a sad smile 'cause I know that things will never be the same again. Even with new friends and a new part of life, I will never forget the old memories. There is always a hole in my heart that is in the shape of you.

Do you miss me? I miss you everytime it rains heavily. I felt miserable, lonely, bitter and wet. I keppt seeing your face in my mind telling me lots of things. But all I want to know is if you miss me. Cause i know i bloody hell do miss you. I'm missing you so much I'm doing things I never thought I would do. I'm missing you so much that it just simply hurts.

Sadly, it makes me kinda hate you for leaving like this. I've thought of so many ways for up to part. But never did I imagine that we would part like this. I feel like the worst friend on earth, because I could not tell that you were sad. I would trade many many things just to have you back. But I know that will never ever happen. Even if I can trade things to have you back, it would never be the same. Its just like a cup that had been broken. Even how you glue it back to fix it, it would never be the same. The cup would always have cracks.

Do you remember when we used to sit on the stairs and blow bubbles into the air. You used to tease me for having asthma and that my bubbles were only half-sized. I miss holding your hand and blowing the bubbles together. We would go to Toys R Us and buy the biggest bottle on the shelf. We would then finish blowing the whole bottle in a week. I cannot believe how much I miss you. I keep wondering if things would be different if you were still around. Would you actually tell me you loved me? Would you hold my hand like you used to? Would we blow bubbles together? Would we still meet at un-earthly hours just to do our "stuff"? Would you still call me "Xiao Mi"?

I don't ever want to let you go.

Went to watch Disney on ice today. Kinda brought me back to the times when I was a kid, all those childish wishes and dreams. But I guess now, it all seems meaningless.

What's the point wishing when deep down, you know its never gonna happen. Like wishing for the grades you want - they never came true, or I would be in a JC now. Like wishing your bestest friend knew how much she means to you and that you would do anything not to hurt her. Like wishing you could keep all the people you love close to your heart and that you would neverever lose them. Like wishing you could have the courage to tell this friend you drifted away from, that he reallyreally means alot to you and that you would do anything to reverse time. Like wishing my friend never left me alone to handle all the hurt I've felt.

Dreaming is another thing altogether. Dreams are super unrealistic and very wrong. It manipulates the mind to think that everything is going to be alright and that life would be smooth-sailing. But welcome to the real world, where dreams are for losers. Unfortunately I'm the biggest loser who spends most of her time dreaming. I realised that however much I dreamed, these dreams would only be like bubbles - never real to the touch and they burst easily.

Hey boy,

Have I ever told you how much you mean to me?
How you make my heart beat faster everytime you smile?
How you appear in my daydreams and nightmares?
How you seem ever-so sweet and gentlemanly?
How you seem to make a rainbow form with just light wave?
How you confuse me with your mixed signals?
How you touch my shoulder and all hurt just disappears?
How you lead me out of darkness with just a word?
How your eyes twinkle when your happpy?
How much I think about you everyday?
How much I love you - even though its wrong?

Wells, I guess I forgot.

(c) ngsiahying