Going down the road of life,

Imagining it without you,

Thought you'd be by my side,

Walking together just us two.

We found our way together,

Through the mazes we walked,

You wiped away my tears,

So we laughed and we talked.

Wishing I could freeze time,

As impossible as that task,

My heart is breaking but,

For you to stay I won't ask.

Our amazing road of life,

Is slowly splitting apart,

The memories I won't forget,

But I do need a new start.

As I try to keep this smile,

Tears are coming I won't lie,

But let us laugh one more time,

For this final goodbye.

Deviantart (c) ~ forleafclovgrl

I like it in the rain,

Cause no one can see I'm crying.

All the pain is hidden,
While I'm slowly dying.

The streaks on my face,

I can blame the rain.

Hiding the lies,

And masking the pain.

The fear in my eyes,

Is the only trace.

As the rain clears away,

Every tear from my face.

The water slowly drips,

Dwon from my hair.

In the rain,

No one need to know I'm there.

Soaked to the skin,

Every part of me.

I love being in the rain,

As I'm finally free.

(c) AnominusMidge - Deviantart

I miss you lots. Every morning I wake up, I would look at my phone and wish you would sms me good morning. But as the day gets longer, it dawns on me that you are no longer around and that I would never get to hear you or see you again. I want to tell you everything that has been happening to me but you never seem to be around to listen. Remember the time we sat at Gombak on the rocks, eating ice-cream, you said you would listen forever. All I am asking now is not for you to listen to me, I am just asking for you to tell me the reason why you left. I can never seem to figure out why you left. Everytime I tell people about you, I would cry because I miss you lots and I regret not being there for you.

Im sorry buddy.

Count the things,

That are wrong with your life,

And you would be counting forever,

As you juggle your feelings,

Careful,

Dont let them break,

As you journey to the centre,

Of nothing,

And thoughts bounce,

And hit,

Wanting to be heard,

Wanting you to feel something,

Anything,

Pain is in the mind,

But that doesnt stop it hurting,

As shards of happiness,

And hope,

Lie at my feet,

And everything is busy,

Inside my head,

Cant find myself,

HELP ME,

Lost in all the thoughts,

Whats real?

Whats not?

What is the world coming to?

What am I coming to?

Fading,

Empty,

Its coming,

I'm afraid,

So afraid.

Basic camp was a really difficult time for me. I never knew that I would actually experience so much pain during this camp. I never wanted to go for the camp. But I'm also very sorry to those people who are so disappointed with me. I'm really sorry. I thought I could be transformed during this camp. Guess it only happened for the first night. Because when I came back from malaysia everything sorta became what it was at first. I cannot seem to feel God around anymore. Anyway I dont think others need to know how much I hurt cause some people dont care.

Malaysia was just funny. I went go-karting and I crashed really badly. Hurt really bad too. Maybe I really dont have any driving sense. I suck at ping-pong too. Apparently my whole family can play ping-pong except me. Smart.

The following weeks are gonna be really long. I can sense that in the weeks to come, it aint gonna be great. But what can I do?

Night cycling was fun. It was super duper challenging but it turned out great. Had a through body work out. Was perspiring like mad. However, I don’t seem to be able to control the lower part of my body. Hurts like hell.

Saw the sunrise at East Coast - reminds me of the time when him and I sat there and talked about the future. He wanted to become a taxi driver then. He said it was the most hardworking job on earth. It was the job that you would put your heart, soul and mind into. But now, he would never be able to become a taxi driver. When I saw the sunrise, I just missed him so badly. It was as if my heart broke into two. I guess I am still not able to accept the fact that he is no longer around for me to talk to, for me to go out with or for me to even tell him how great a friend he was. Its just so difficult. I thought I was getting to accept that fact. But after I saw the sunrise, it just opened all the fresh wounds and all the memories. I really regret, I really do.

I need help with the guitar.

Someone please please help.

I feel like giving up already.

It’s sad
That I wake up in the morning
And then get out of bed
There’s no point
If I’ve got nothing to do
It’s sad

It’s sad
That I’ve got a closet
Full of bones
I’ll never show
Sad I went through what I did
I don’t wish it on anyone
But it happens
It’s sad

It’s sad
That I"d hurt myself
I turn emotions
Into cuts and bruises
I make myself bleed
And I suppose
It’s sad

It’s sad
That I hate myself
I know it’s sad because I cry
And that’s a sure sign that
Things aren’t as they should be
I’m sad…that I’m fucking sad

It’s sad

Finally, a break from work – super tired. Talked to Greg today, he called because he had extra break time. His exams are almost over I guess, cause he is complaining less. Told him how bored and lonely I am now cause Pearlyn is in Aussie now and others don’t seem to want to spend time with me. I miss our arcade-hopping trips. I talked to Alyce too. She sent me an email and some photos she did using Photoshop. She photoshopped my picture into the ones she and Greg too. I look tiny. We look like a family! Really wish I could be there with them. But now I guess I can just be contented with looking at pictures. Its ain't that bad I guess.

Wrote this poem yesterday. While I was sitting on my bed and thinking. It is nothing great. But I like it. It says a lot about how I feel. Its one of the few poems I have done. But this is my favourite. The rest are too dark to put on my blog I guess.

Everytime I shed a tear,
I know its filled with sadness and fear.
Everytime I feel so down,
I just sit on my bed and frown.
Waiting for the world to pass by,
And sadly ask me “why do you cry?”
I just stare at them with eyes open wide,
And try to tell them how I died.
But they just don’t understand.

They never do understand.

I majorly screwed up songs today. Shucks. It was just so weird. I mean I have not gone for Basic for like econs. Then suddenly I pop out of nowhere and lead songs. I felt like I was under scrutiny of a microscope. It was horrible. Honestly, I just wanted to get away. I didn’t feel like I belong. But it is because of a contract with Greg that I would try to piece my life together again. I really want to. But I just feel like giving up too. It just kills me to know that maybe I am not the same as before.